I grew sick of the yes sir no sir. Of they ‘hey’ ‘hows it going’ ‘pretty good’ ‘see you laters’. Of the ‘yea, this about life was challenging’ but ‘Im moving through it’, ‘yea thats it’! ‘upward and onwards’….of the complete self delusion we all collectively participate in to prevent facing what we deep down really feel, and remembering who we really are…. because usually it makes us feel out of control.
And if there is one thing we fear deeply, its feeling out of control.
We would usually rather experience tremendous pain physically or even psychologically than risk losing our control blankets..…just our little shred of solid sand where we built our lopsided shack that we call our lives. This little miserable patch of earth is all we know!!! It must be protected all cost! Never mind the hurricane that is coming, never mind the fact that we are cold and lonely in our shack, never mind the fact that we once dreamt of a beautiful castle by the sea where we could share life’s joy with so many people…this one man shack becomes our place. And we stay there for years or even an entire lifetime.
So I just stepped out of mine, watched with mild interest as it was destroyed by the waves and then I began to wander the beach. I began to let my vocal chords do their own work; I began to allow words to boom out of me, less so to communicate to you and more so to amuse me. I began eating the different fruit along the shore just to see what each one tasted like. I began to experience this state of self amusement, as I surrendered to what is.
As I did this presence of joy entered my life….and it came in inverse proportion to the amounts of fucks i gave. You see you are the only source of true values at the end of the day and if you aren’t amused and proud of your life experience, nothing else matters. That’s right….people’s opinions of you, even god’s opinions of you are irrelevant, if you still are disatisfied within. But it takes balls to realize that, balls I realize most of you haven’t got yet. But you will. And when you do you will laugh bold laughter that will echo to the high heavens and you will run with a strength you didn’t know you had….along this sandy beach we have to enjoy, called earth.